On Swingsets and Sandboxes- From Game to Masculinity

Ian Ironwood recently posted what I think is his best and most enlightening post yet, Swingsets and Sandboxes- Playground Rules for the Female Social Matrix. In it he explains how the Male and Female social hierarchies work individually and how they interact. The most important thing to take away from this piece is that females do not determine a man's social rank. A man's social rank is determined by his place among his fellow males, and if he's on top, then that increases his desirability to the females.

This notion helps fix one problem I've noticed in a lot of writing on Game, and that problem is the circular definition of what is an alpha male and alpha traits. Typically alpha is whatever is attractive to women, and what's attractive to women is what is alpha. An alpha male is one that gets lots of women, why? Because he's got lots of alpha traits. What are alpha traits, why those that are attractive to women? We're going in circles.

It's been said that game is mimicking the behaviors of men that are good with women. But a better way to think of it is that game is mimicking behaviors of men that are sitting at the top of the male hierarchy, and a man at the top of the male hierarchy is attractive to women due to hypergamy. And it makes sense this way. Confidence, outcome independence, amused mastery, unflappability, no pedestalization because he knows he has options, these are all traits that some naturally to someone who has competed with all his male peers, has faced all challengers, and has come out on top.

Thinking of game this way, we also dispel another criticism that's been levied that says it's unmasculine to modify oneself simply to try to appeal better to women. Instead of simply trying to appeal to women, you're imitating the behaviors and speech patterns of the most successful men. And not just the men that are successful with women, but the men that are successful in every regard. They've acquired these traits because they've met with success.

From here it's a short step to want to go from imitating behaviors of successful men, which you can only do so well, to actually striving to be successful yourself. Why imitate dominance, success, confidence, and real masculinity when you can become dominant, successful, confident, and masculine yourself?

One trend that appears often is people writing about game end up writing basically about self-improvement. Athol Kay's Male Action Plan is pure self-improvement.  A lot of other red pill bloggers write about basically getting your life in order, realizing you have options and you don't have to live out the typical script of school, job, marriage, kids, death.  I recently exchanged some tweets with The Geographer from Beer and Concrete and he has also said he tires of female-centric writing and wants to move on to write more straightforwardly about masculinity. I think this evolution is natural and positive. If Ian Ironwood's analysis is accurate and men competing with other men determine a man's social status independently of any female opinion (and I absolutely think this is correct),  then success with women will come more surely through raising your rank among men through manly pursuits than simply learning to puppet alpha male traits.

Proof of this is abundant when you look around. Despite being largely indifferent and uninterested in sports, women throw themselves at professional athletes and celebrities. These guys aren't spending hours reading game blogs, the mystery method, Bang, and other books. They're devoting themselves entirely to their passion, be it sport, business, acting, or whatever.  And by dominating their peers at whatever it is they do, they become desired.

The good news is you don't have to become king of the world to get girls. There are many different niches out there. Find one or more thing that you like to do and try to dominate at it. You don't have to be the best in the world, just the best around you. And it doesn't have to be anything that girls like. Their opinions are irrelevant. It's not girls that are soccer nuts that want David Beckham's nuts, it's all girls. It's not girls that are passionate about theatre and acting that want Johnny Depp or George Clooney, it's all girls. It's not girls that are into vocal music and singing that want Justin Beiber or Justin Timberlake, it's all of them. Even a nerdy hobby can make you alpha if you dominate at it.

I set a goal for myself a while back to find some kind of sports club or association where I could begin competing physically against other men on a regular basis. I got lucky and actually met and made friends with the president of a judo club here in my town. They take new members in September and I will be joining. I've long wanted to learn a martial art. Judo would not have been my first choice but there's no BJJ here in town, and it will be very convenient to join this club since I'm friends now with the president. This leads to my next point: dominating is a sure way to get girls, but a sure way to turn them off is to not compete at all. Since I'll be a beginner, I'm not going to be a judo champion. Far from it. But think back to high school. Girls prefer someone at least playing on the team to someone just watching in the stands. Sure, they all want the quarterback and team captain, but many of them will be happy to be with any player over a guy that's a spectator. While I may not immediately be the best judo practitioner, it won't take more than a few weeks/months to be significantly better than all the non-practitioners.

The point of all this is that girls respond to the male hierarchy as determined by men. Game is just a first step. The next step is to grow, compete, and cultivate a positive masculinity. At the first stage, you're still being reactive to what you think women like and respond to. That's the game beginner. The next step is realizing that it is men that determine their own worth and each other's, and women respond to that. It is women who are the reactive sex.  So once you've swallowed the red pill and are working on digesting the truth of hypergamy I think the best thing to do is work on your own hobbies and passions and career and your body and become more of a man than the next guy. This will reap more rewards than memorizing formulas and constantly asking yourself if this or that thing you did was beta.

There are lots of complaints about the ugly, fat, and unfeminine state of western women. Women won't lose weight and lose the attitude and become feminine again until men stop being pansies pandering to women.  The way of nature is that men compete with other men, and then women compete for the winners (although it's the top man that really exercises the most choice). These days men eschew manly pursuits and try to appeal to women by being more like them. And it doesn't work out for them. Women choose those stubborn manly men that do all those unPC things. When men become interested in manly things and raising their rank in the eyes of their fellow men, then all will be right again with the world.